70 Hilarious Shrek Quotes to Bring Out the Ogre in You

1. “Please. I don’t wanna go back there. You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak… Well, maybe you do, but that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!” – Donkey

2. “Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest.” –Donkey

3. “This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I’m making waffles.” – Donkey

4. “Well it’s no wonder you don’t have any friends.” – Shrek

5. “Because that’s what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER.” – Donkey

6. “No! I’m an ogre! You know, “Grab your torch and pitchforks!” Doesn’t that bother you?” – Shrek

7. “Wow. Let’s do that again.” –Donkey

8. “Wow, that was really scary and if you don’t mind me saying, if that don’t work, your breath will certainly get the job done, ’cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something ’cause your breath STINKS.” – Donkey

9. “Ogres are like onions.” – Shrek

10. “Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.” – Donkey

11. “And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man there were some strong gases eeking outta my butt that day.” – Donkey

12. “Donkey, if that was me, you’d be dead. That’s brimstone… we must be getting close.” – Shrek

13. “Yeah, right, brimstone, don’t be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelt and it wasn’t no brimstone and it didn’t come off no stone neither.” – Donkey

Don’t forget to also read these Uncle Iroh quotes celebrating his endless wisdom.

14. “Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.” –Captain of Guards

15. “You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly.” – Donkey

16.“Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?” – Donkey “That would be my home.” – Shrek

17. “Y’know, me too. That’s another thing we have in common. I hate it when you’ve got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won’t leave, and then there’s that big awkward silence…” – Donkey

18. “He hooffed unt he poooffed unt he… signed an eviction notice.” – Little Pig

19. “Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.” –Magic Mirror

20. “Do you think he’s maybe compensating for something?” –Shrek

21. “I just know, before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’.” – Donkey

22. “Some of you may die, but its a sacrifice I’m willing to make.” – Lord Farquaad

23. “What kind of a knight are you?” – Princess Fiona “One of a kind.” – Shrek

24. “Eat me.” Gingerbread Man

25. “C’mon, princess, you’re not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you’re only like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.” – Donkey

26. “Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?” – Donkey

27. “Can I stay with you? Please?” – Donkey “Of course.” – Shrek “Really?” –Donkey “NO.”- Shrek

28. “Don’t mess wit’ me. I’m the Stair Master. I’ve Mastered the Stairs. I wish I had a step right here, I could step here and here and here and step all over it.” – Donkey

29. “Sure it’s big enough… but look at the location.” – Shrek
If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of Fleabag quotes that relate to every aspect of your day-to-day life.

30. “I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy.” – Pinocchio

31. “Yes, I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?” – Lord Farquaad

32. “Okay, let me get this straight: you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad’ll give you back your swamp, which you only don’t have ‘cos he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that about right?” – Donkey

33. “Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean white sparkly teeth, I know you probably hear this all the time from your food but you must bleach or something, ’cause that’s one dazzling smile you got there and do I detect a hint of minty freshness?” – Donkey

34. “What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.” – Princess Fiona

35. “The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.” – Shrek

36. “So where is this fire-breathin’ pain in the neck, anyway?” – Donkey “In the tower, waiting for us to rescue her.” – Shrek “I was talkin’ about the dragon, Shrek.” – Donkey

37. “I’m not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?!” –Lord Farquaad

38. “You didn’t slay the dragon?” – Princess Fiona “It’s on my “to do” list. Now come on.” – Shrek

39. “But this isn’t right. You’re meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying-that’s what all the other knights did.” – Princess Fiona “Yeah, right before they burst into flame.” – Shrek

40. “Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love’s first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon’s keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love’s first kiss.” – Shrek

 41. “All right, you’re going the right way for a smack bottom.” – Shrek

42. “Well, that’s not very nice.” – Shrek

43. “Thank you, thank you very much. I’m here ’til Thursday. Try the veal.” – Shrek

44. “NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.” – Shrek

45. “That’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do.” – Shrek

46. “Donkey, two things okay? Shut… up.” – Shrek

47. “Oh, would you look at that.” – Shrek

48. “Well, I have to save my ass.” – Shrek

49. “Like that’s ever gonna happen. What a load of…” – Shrek

50. “Little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I?” – Shrek

51. Now really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?”— Lord Farquaad

52. “It’s On My To-Do List!” – Shrek

53. Shrek: You know what? Maybe there’s a good reason donkeys shouldn’t talk.”— Shrek

54. “Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn’t color-blind.” – Donkey

55. “My donkey fell in your waffle hole.”— Shrek

56. “I have a bit of a confession to make: donkeys don’t have layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves.” – Donkey

57. “Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres – oh, they’re much worse. They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They’ll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it’s quite good on toast.” — Shrek

58. “What’s that? It’s hideous!” – Lord Farquaad

59. “Well, that’s not very nice. It’s just a donkey.” — Shrek

60. “The stars don’t tell the future. They tell stories.” — Shrek

61. “All right, you’re going the right way for a smacked bottom.” — Shrek

62. “Someday, I Will Repay You. Unless, Of Course, I Can’t Find You Or If I Forget.” — Shrek

63. “Yeah, it’s getting him to shut up that’s the trick!”— Shrek

64. “A Cute, Button Nose? Thick, Wavy Locks? Taut, Round Buttocks?” — Shrek

65. “I’m going to be a father, how did this happen?” — Shrek

66. “It’s not supposed to be an ogre!” – Princess Fiona

67. “Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!” – Donkey

68. “Don’t worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until… No, wait. I’m still afraid of the dark.” – Donkey

69. “Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.” — Shrek

70. “You can’t tell me you’re afraid of heights?” — Shrek

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